black grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrls - heh heh - fuckin' rule, drop squading our lovely daughters - salty chocolate cake!!!

first off, lemme make it quite plain:

all women are beautiful  no matter the race/creed/color - doesn't matter.  i have seen women from every corner of the globe who have made me cringe with envy, then bloom with celebration.  but this isn't about beauty.  it is about something more sinister than that.  this is about a veritable haute couture fashion week with only one problem - the empresses wear no clothes.  & we have all been standing around clapping for way too long -

ok so what is this fucker called?  dark girls, i think?  & it's viral, y'all.  all over the web, this on the heels of the psychology today piece PROVING, supposedly that black women are the most unattractive of all,  & this on the heels of the "most unsafe place in the world is the black woman's womb" ad campaign for pro-lifers.  need i mention the furor, in 2010 of pity parties & shit for all us 'poor, wretched, unwanted, single black unmarried loooooooooooooooooonely women'...

gabrielle union, angela basset, iman

& of course all this built on the backs of rape after rape after rape.  of our pockets, for all the money we spend buying into the myth of the white beauty aesthetic -

white media, do you honestly think you can fool us?

is it that deep for you?  i mean why do all that ass licking of one group, when, if you did lick our black, disposable wealth having asses even a little bit, you could have all our money?  or is it that you, white media, just like to see us squirm - but lemme just get to this documentary, shall we?

naomi simms, lauryn hill, alek wek

it opens with a lot of tears. women trying to 'scrub the black off of themselves', frenemies crowing with glee @ having escaped the fate of a 'darkskinned' daughter, progresses through the sweet-faced child indicting the darker skinned dolls while she extols the virtues of the white one - dayum.  watching this, one would think there were only two sides to this game - color (damn you is ugly, celie) purple, & imitation (that wuz mah mammie!) of life...

not to discount ANYONE'S struggles, but, this was not my/many of my sister's reality.  period.  point blank - but you won't ever see THAT movie.  scenes from my movie?  - : driving up the road one day, in an intense discussion with my dad, i turned to him, all verklempt & said, 'thank you for being my parents - y'all are nut bags, but @ least y'all made sure that i knew that i was beautiful...'  & his reply was, 'oh hell no matter what color you turned out to be, we would have raised you to know you are the better - the best'

sobfest, anyone?

& the thing is, no, not all of us are lucky enough to have gotten all of the psycho support that some got around self worth - but @ this point, it is my JOB to make sure that anyone on my watch is.

tamara dobson, pam kot-dayum-motherfuckin grier, grace jones

so i'm going to end up having to drop squad nashira.  i have no choice - no, i will not be prying her eyes open with pins, forcing her to watch reel after reel of images of black beauty.  but i will insulate her from any threatening white media driven imagery that seeks to make her feel less than.  & please make no mistake, black moms - we are @ war with an industry that has spent trillions toward the goal of making some feel elevated - by making others feel like lower beings who literally disappear into the background.  i look to my mom for inspiration on how to navigate this particular battlefield, but we are in very different times.  one of my sexiest grrrrrrrrrrrrrls, a rock star DJ, & a sister in vittles said, about this issue of self worth as reflected in the media, that 'hip hop saved us' & indeed, i was lucky enough to come of age (in my 20's no less) in the 'my beautiful black queen era...  panther ideology aside, there is no hip hop to speak of.  what will save nashira/our beautiful cocoa daughters?  it hurts me that i have no answer for this.

jennifer hudson, cicely tyson, tammy terrell

anywhoo the boards have been on fire for days - some of my favorite comments?

1- i am already annoyed

2 - This is just Tyler Perry all over again, "I'm black, fragile and handicap, unloved and unwanted....the negress is just a sad sack of unloved rubbish". It does more harm than good. All my dark dark dark skinned girlfriends are married and my yellow creole french white mixed behind is single. With four kids. Shit aint THAT hard. - <--------can you stand it?  LMBAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - this was from a friend of a friend - i had peeped her hilarity on other posts, but this one was better than my (non-existent) abs workout - lolololololol

3 - That's what I was hoping for... That the other portion of the documentary are chocolate women who speak from a different voice. who tell the story of how they've been told they were beautiful their entire life & how they combatted someone trying to test that very view. "WHO WAN TEST DI ORIGINAL CHOCOLATE DONDATTA!!!! - tee to tha hee - this one was from my glamorous, hilarious grrrrrrrrrrrrl, a talented makeup artist

4 - Yes Sister!!! the road to Self Love can be a treacherous lonely painful one, BUT yet and still I am claiming the right to JOYOUSLY celebrate SELF LOVE at this moment and pray for all of us to JOYOUSLY celebrate ourselves NOW!!! We are AMAZING right at this very MOMENT!!! even if we don't know or accept it yet! Love you Sister!! Solidarity!! ♥!!!! <- love her - this is a siren who will soothe your soul, in addition to being a full on jet-setting international rock star this is my sis of many nations/lives & she is always an inspiration.  always.-

5 -  At times I've hated my own skin for not being black enough to be "controversial" or being light enough to enjoy privilege. - loved that, too.  deep - 

6 - (this one might be my actual favorite:) -  and i also must include that ALL of my lovers black and those from various ethnicities have always thought my darker skin tone was GLORIOUS too!! and they claim me Boldly in the streets! they be runnin' to feature my Fine ass! lol! Black skin is beautiful EVERYWHERE!!! ♥!!

robin givens, phylicia rashad, robinn lee 

so this has been a real education - the RESPONSE TO the trailer, as much as the trailer itself  & frankly,  i do have some suspicions, among them:

1 - remember blaxploitation?  @ least these films had a sense of irony - like the one (i wish i knew the name of this one, & as soon as i find it out, i will post it) where the supa foine afro-ed protagonist turns to the star of the movie - i don't think it was tamara dobson - & says 'do the dishes.'  she turns her pistol on the dishrack & WRECKS SHOP. then turns to him, content as hell & says, 'ok - there you go, babe.  they're done'.  until ya boy jesse-cut-loose-the-jerry-juice-jackson dismantled the industry, it was buzzing with serious iconic potential, a healthy dose of self-mockery, black comedy, & a plethora of images that referred to us as beautiful, heroic, powerful.

2 - i maintain, although you could call me biased, that the afros were halos.

3 - there is something to be said about what the filmmaker's eye chooses to see - i, right now know maybe 50 chocolaty sis's that would laugh in the face of any nigga that tried to test them on any aspect of their beauty/sexuality - & will NEVER EVER BE ON FILM BECAUSE OF IT. where is THAT documentary - a film i could show my lovely brown daughter & build her confidence from RIGHT NOW???

nona gaye, garcelle beauvais, gladys knight


4 - this is a suspect assed situation - all part & parcel of an attack- i believe - on black woman's confidence, pride & all around fierceness - & i am sick of it - it's not a matter of do these issues exist - it's a matter of why do we never focus on anything positive/proactive b/c i have noticed that whenever we do indulge the self love fest, that we tend to take over the world -

5 - it's such a conspiracy - interesting story - our boy/my hero/cinematographer for my trailer, is ARTHUR JAFA - he shoulda been on ALL these threads - talk about a defender of our beauty!!!!!!!!!!!
in any case, GT tells me that he LOVES black skin to the point where he, knowing that most all film in the us is SKEWED TO REFLECT THE FULL COLOR SPECTRUM IN WHITE SKIN ONLY  (it's a sickness) - went to JAPAN procure melanin sensitive film to shoot such amazing shit as daughters, clockers, etc -
let's not even get into what it says about japanese self-worth that they discontinued making the film - so what did homeboy do? learned to treat the film to get the full color spectrum from black skin

6 - i repeat - we have to drop squad our daughters - imbue them with such deep confidence, that it is unshakeable - i was told, for so many years that i was beautiful, that by the time the dominican chick in my 3rd grade class wanted to whisper 'blackie' in a sinister voice behind me on line, i didn't know that she was referring to anything bad - it was her nastiness that put me on to the fact that i was supposed to be ashamed of this - we need to change the convo from 'poor black woman just a wretched bag of unwanted shit' to something affirmative - something powerful - something beautiful - it worked for me - & it works for my daughter who turns to me on the daily to remind me of how beautiful she is - ♥ - & please believe that ms. nashira has no doubts around her beauty - now when (i know it is inevitable) she starts watching network TV - all bets are off - which is why i believe that they must be brainwashed early - to prepare for the media onslaught of subliminal messages that is childhood.


aj johnson, kerry washington, joy bryant,

let us start with this simple dessert (my closing ceremony - from the restaurant takeover -  recipes are next week) which talks of who we really are:

this recipe is (heavily) adapted from almost bourdain & is very different from the original - 

now, this is what it's supposed to look like:  i'll reconvene w/ real time pics  real soon - 

salty (saucy, sassy, spitfire in southern vernacular) chocolate cake, or 

gateau de chocolat with fleur de sel:

8 oz  dark chocolate (min 70% cocoa solids - callebaut, valrhona or other fine-assed dark chocolate)
8 oz unsalted butter
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp cardamom
4 medium eggs
1 cup sugar
1&1/2 cups plain flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
2 TBSP yoghurt
Extra virgin coconut oil
Fleur de sel (sea salt)

1. Preheat the oven to 400F. Grease and flour a 10 inch cake pan or a cupcake tin
2. Melt the chocolate in a heat proof bowl over a saucepan of hot simmering water. add butter and stir well to mix the two ingredients completely.
3. Put the eggs, yogurt and the sugar in a bowl and whisk with kitchen mixer until the mixture turns pale and doubles in volume. Add the flour, a tablespoonful at a time, and the baking soda.
4. Mix in the chocolate mixture, pour the lot into the prepared cake pan and bake for 30-40 minutes. The cake is cooked when a knife inserted into the centre comes out clean.  cupcakes 12 - 15 min.
5. Leave the cake to cool for 15 minutes before turning out.
6. To serve, cut the cake into slices, set them on plain white plates and pour some extra virgin coconut oil to garnish -

& remember, y'all the blacker the berry!  LMBAO!!! enjoy!!!

keisha knight pulliam, res, tamala jones, kenya moore, regina hall, nia long, theresa randle, tayana ali jessica white, chaka khan, brenda sykes, a bunch of grrrrrrrrrrrrls i know i forgot, & my new favorite demaris lews.


roll call.

busy. goddammit. cold sweat in the hottest kitchen.

ok friends, our time apart has NOT been wasted - why has it been so long, you ask? b/c in addition to the perils of mercury retrograde - which looked like this for me:

ya.  - you?

& b/c there has been a lot going on - i've taken over, for two weeks, a tiny cafe in harlem - & NOW i remember why restaurants are slavery - but, as my ex-husband explained about jews (as he was/is one) most thoughts of where to go or what to do, for the most orthodox people of that religion, are prefaced by the lifestyle inquiry:  'is it good for the jews?'  this determines the action that must be taken in most instances.  in my case, my first thought will be, 'is it good for the blog?'  & also, 'is it good for the book?'  in this case, it was good for both - & you, friends, are the beneficiaries. this is the prep for sunday brunch's fritatta::

it all happened so fast - my dope-assed sis/mentor, who births books, & that's really all i can say about her career without exposing exactly who she is, is a sexy, worldly-with-a-concentration-on-afrocentric, nappy, erudite & luxuriant mac - although she doesn't LIKE to use the word cougar, if she accepted the title, would be an ace-boon-cougar if there ever were one - she is well-groomed, powerful, & confoundingly gracious, & humble - not qualities that one would normally attribute to a sexpot - but there it is - & it adds to her allure - she is my one of my daughter's rock-star godmothers & as they are born on the same day, i have faith, from the way that Nashira moons @ her, that they are already in some sort of psychic mind meld that will ensure that my baby is 50X as fly as me...something like my sis/mentor, whom i will call M.

M calls me, & from the echo on the line, i knew before she told that i was
"on speaker...  i'm here with G - she owns that cute little cafe we went to that time - you remember, right?"
"uh... yeah i think so -"
"ok great well she's going to Burma..."
"for two weeks & since M spoke so highly of you," - this was G herself, adding to my confusion, "i was thinking did you want to run it while i am gone?"

my brain imploded, & then i said, "sure!"

friends, i have a lot to say about restaurants, none of it good:  let's briefly review, for those of y'all who haven't been subject to my ire on the issue, shall we?

1 - pure slavery.
2 - no money.
3 - workers are rarely, if ever protected by any union (i am not speaking of hotels) & are
4 - subject to the rules of the fiefdom:  the petty tyranny of the owner/s - read unstable nightmare.
5 - i guess the slavery piece should highlight the SHITTY pay & LONG-assed hours, but if that wasn't clear @ the top, then it should be now -

i will not mention these people by name, but i walked out on one restaurant whose basement was flooded with sewage - & to dispel any cloudiness on why i walked out, the answer is, yes, to your unspoken & horrified question:  YES they still wanted me to cater among that sewage.


the thing about restaurants is this:  you live in a constant state of panic.  you will NEVER.  be set up enough, have enough back up, plas (as in mis-en-place the state of everything in its place-ness that every line cook goes for yet seldom achieves) or order.  my own tenure in restaurants, much as i loved it, was a perfect set up for PTSD - pure anxiety, all the time.  in fact, it was one of the chefs @ union square cafe (NYT three stars, three hundred covers a night - cold sweat in the hottest kitchen, anyone???) who helped me to quit drinking coffee:

"hey. you.  get your ass over here."  he barked on me with total distaste, as i was running around like a beheaded chicken, revisiting my quart of coffee between tasks.
kitchens are very 'thank you, sir.  may i have another', so i was just happy that he, a mighty chef was even speaking to me.  i hopped over on high alert.  "yes, chef?"  i was bright eyed & bushy tailed, ready for orders.
"what are you doing?"  he queried.
"setting up, i'm chopping parse-"
"no you're not you're running around crazy.  if i see you with coffee tomorrow, you're fired."
"no problem, chef."
& that's how i gave up coffee.  if i bumped into him tomorrow, i would thank him profusely.


maybe that's why i'm so obsessed with geisha:  the tradition, beauty, intensive drilling, grace under pressure, sense of the ancient, strict organization, & standardized ritual - not to mention the way horrific treatment is mythologized as 'mentoring'... & then there is the food these glittering fireflys of the night all entertain in tea houses with superlative vittles.  i have often fantasized that i spent one of my (i am sure of this) past lives as a chef @ any of the most exclusive geisha tea houses in Gion, Kyoto, or Tokyo.  this is the fantasy food of courtesans & their masters (who have no choice but to be millionaires):  FABULOUS cookbook author Madhur Jaffrey talks about a man-made stream in Japan with tables placed strategically @ the curves bends of its trajectory.  cold station chefs float cold noodles in this stream, & the patrons use hashi (chopsticks, as they are called in japan) to lift the noodles from the stream, & dip them into the sauces on their table.

yes chile.

now, since my tenure as screamed on garde manger (pantry & cold foods) peon, i have become a chef, toured all stations, expedited, ordered my fair share of subordinates around, & still, am in no hurry to re-enter kitchens.

still, here i am, busy as fuck, goddammit.

a short description of the surroundings, just a couple of recipes & then it's back to running the cafe, while working my day to day bill payer, editing the cookbook/memoir, freelance catering, & operating the $10 million plan w/my friend, S:

it's a beautifully decorated,  teensy jewel box of a cafe, shelves lined with books, some of them authored by the owner, who has produced a children's book, a coffee table standard about headwraps, & a book called 'down there' about, you guessed it, the sacred bush.  it's adorable, & the perfect place to test out specials, & here they are - you already know one of the specials from the post previous to this one - salmon croquettes, from one brunch, & i had a breakthrough with beer-battered  shrimp & marinated kale which i will describe below:

10-20 ppl:

3-5# shrimp,cleaned w/the tails on
2 quts to a gallon of oil for frying:  this can be either grapeseed, or coconut & be poured to about 3" deep in a frying pan or pot.
 i use extremely finely ground cornmeal  - finely ground for prettiness - Whole Foods loose, or Indian Head (political incorrectness rules this blog!!!) mixed half & half with all purpose, either whole wheat or white - your choice - whole wheat gives a rounder flavor though -
2 12-oz bottles beer - i used a fine pale ale, locally crafted, but do what your budget allows - let's not get too crunk & throw a malt liquor in it, but you have some leeway here -
2 eggs
2 cups flour
seasoning - i use various seasoning salts in addition to dried herbs : borsari, old bay, pixie dust (that's a brand - note to self - we can mix up our own @ a later date), herbs can be parsely, thyme, savory



now for the breakthrough:

i've always been afraid of beer battering.  so i decided, what better time to try out a new, intimidating recipe than under pressure for a catering gig?  perusing various recipes days before, i thought i had it all together - you make the wet batter, & that's your only dredge - but these images of fish & chips - which use a beer batter - kept swimming to mind; & i don't like that style of batter - it rises OFF of the fried food, sometimes with space between the shrimp or fish, & the coating.  yuck.  still, i wanted the lightness of the batter, & the flavor of the beer.  so i simply used the beer batter as the wet dredge:

In a bowl, combine the beer flour, eggs & salt, & allow to sit at room temperature for several hours. Pat the shrimp dry with paper towels & dip the shrimp in the wet batter then in the seasoned cornmeal mixture & fry for approximately 2 to 3 minutes. drain shrimp on paper towels layered over brown paper bags.

this made a super crispy, light crust that was not only translucent, a plus, but insulated the shrimp from overcooking leaving you with bliss in your mouth.  & that is all!



marinated kale:

6 bunches kale, cleaned & rinsed twice
6 cloves fresh garlic
flax seed oil to coat greens, about 2-3 oz.
& then to taste:
lemon juice
coconut aminos
soy sauce
apple cider vinegar
grated carrots

so easy!!!

rinse well, filling the sink 3x w/extremely cold water, plunging the greens in, pulling them out to drain, & filling the sink once more.
chop the greens to bite-size
chop garlic finely& mix w/the other ingredients, except the carrots, which should be sprinkled atop the kale when you're ready to serve

the salad is ready to go within 10 min & you can reuse this marinade.

last thing - the recipes i am printing here are from the fabulous Coon Bidness (yes yes y'all, coon.  bidness.) party &  Burnt-Sugar jam session that i catered (in a scandalously late fashion that can only be described as the ultimate C.P.T. - i'm gon' have ta claim that i was possessed & we all were w/that mercury retrograde - WHEW! - glad that's over) for the ultimate playa, Greg Tate & fly-assed gangsta diva, Nucomme Davis-Walker, in the Do or Die:  Bed-Stuy...


so okay i'll be back with all the specials from the cafe, as the 15th is my last day - promise.

thank you for your time!

Sushi, Japan, Superfoods as Medicine & Sustainability - Guest Star: Eye Serene!

 So this obsession with food co-ops has blossomed into a world philosophy;  all of a sudden, i am inundated with coops of every stripe:  peeps, gathering info on the uptown food coop @ the speed of light - & made a scintillating trip to my new friend eYe Serene's gorgeous home to make the salmon croquettes & talk water co-op!!!  the idea is to have a group of people purchase an alkaline water ionizer which would be stored @ her house, & she would allow unlimited access to the machine for refills.  we bounced this around for a while, while i was prepping the salmon croquettes:

& eYe made rose petal tea with her amazing, regenerative, alkaline water:

holla, if you like the water coop idea...  i love it.  afterward, i made hot sauce:

Quickie Dry Hot Sauce On The Fly:

2 TBSP dried cayenne pepper
3 TBPS apple cider vinegar
dash dried garlic
salt & pepper to taste
lemon juice to taste & if you're one of those,
1/2 Tsp. palm or coconut sugar, brown rice syrup or honey  

& in the meantime, one of my most grassroots-gangsta friends, who shall be called O, sidled up to me @ Freedome's epic, once-a-year birthday-shindig-of-the-century & whispered the words i had been both waiting for, & had no IDEA that i would ever hear:  Little Maroon Schoolhouse is accepting new geniuses, she said, excitement tinging every syllable.  your little angel would fit right in.  what i knew about Little Maroon?  little.  just that it was dope/progressive/tiny/selective.  i knew that it was associated with the venerable inheritor to the Panther Party:  Malcolm X Grassroots Movement, a community-based/beloved organization that teaches survival tactics (be they mental, physical, skill-based or political) to the youth, & shapes the brilliant leftiest lefties of the hood, in other words, some of the flyest folk on earth.   b/c of my ignorance/out of the loopness, thoughts of the school  had been part wish it could have been/part myth; i googled it, i lightly grilled my associates, (obviously among the wrong crowd, lol!) i asked jesus...

nada.

& now there it was, in my face!  the opportunity for crevette noir (my runway model grrrrrrrrrrrrl Farrah, who is french-speaking Senegalese, calls Nashira this, & yes, it means little black shrimp) to hob nob with some really adorable revolution tots, & since these people are nappy clan, well they are
1)THE.  BEST. &
2) family.
could i be happier?  ever?  nah. not really.  & the school is cooperatively run, (can you stand it?) which means that parents work a minimum of 2 hours a month in rotating shifts (interestingly, much like park slope food coop's work slots), sharing with the school their individual talents.  lovely Sala, a blast of sunflower sunshine, & the teacher, made Nashira, Calvin & i completely @ home on our visit.  & of course, when discussing what we would contribute as parents, food inevitably came up.  i had a vision of the school's freezer, stocked with kid-like goodies:  apple-cardamom-ginger-sauce, (non-dairy) cream of mushroom-barley soup (with cordyceps, of course!), cinnamon sweet potatoes w/coconut palm sugar & the list goes on...  look for pics & directions on the next post - 

so over the next few - & please don't forget to look out for the children's recipes, & when i say look out, i mean, suggest suggest suggest!  anything you used to love during childhood - anything!  even if it was pure debauchery on a plate - i can find a way to make it taste the way it did when you were little, & make it super.  as in superfood.  as in good for, as well as to you.

watch.

ahh, kid's food - which leads us in the direction of jello.  which brings me to Asia:  we have gelatin.  & the Asians?  agar-agar.  so let's talk about jello a bit.  if you loved it as a child but grew up & were grossed out by the fact that in the end, it was only beef knuckles you were sucking down, banish despair.  agar-agar is the answer to your prayers.  not only is it a sea veggie (read detoxifying & skin tightening) but it is in many cases if made right, & this is easy to do, more firm & jellylike even than jello, & can be made to taste even better!  bet you never had coconut-mango-passionfruit jello when you were little, unless your mom was a maniac like mine.

& whenever i think of Asia, my thoughts are almost always pulled toward one of its most elegant outposts - Japan - which brings the thought process to...

JAPAN.

friends it's on - i hope you've been praying for Japan - & the thing is, with the genius on that series of tiny islands, why didn't they outclass the US with sustainable (wind/solar/recycled oils) energy sources?  they outclass us in every other way.  no, really they do - & the thing is, since we all know that it's the US's fault that they were ever exposed to radioactive energy, in my mind, they were over there making it happen on the energy tip - little did i know that barbaric nuclear energy was even on their radar - & if we don't take our cues from this tragedy, then we are even stupider than the rest of the world thinks we are.

so how can we do this?

take/eat/drink seaweed - in every form you can possibly get your hands on.  & what is the Japanese diet rife with?  yes chile - seaweed!  more on this in the next post, but to start, let's muse on spirulina, chlorella, nori, kombu, & wakame to start, all of these used & ingested in totally different ways, much in the way that our soul foods use & ingest themselves in different ways - soul food is in no way meant to mean ham hocks.  it is the food that touches, & restores your soul.  i have a truly brilliant writer friend - from Detroit,  (it's so cold in da D) FULLY hip-hop identified, whose tried & true, sanity replenishing taste profile is rice, seaweed, & fish, preferably raw with soy, thank you very much - so get on it - all the worlds cuisines - & souls, are linked.  sorry, teabaggers - lol!

most people know Japanese food as sushi, & only now is the trend toward their other soul foods apparent.  just now, many are discovering ramen, the ultimate noodle soup & this is where the Japanese reveal that they are actually black:  ramen of choice?  charshu, homies.  pork.  & it's not the fact that the Japanese are sucking down pork @ the speed of light during lunchtime in the land of the rising sun.  it is the fact that they know how to treat it:  in the hands of the Japanese, toroniku (fatty pork cheek ramen) is nothing short of sublime swine - & since the Japanese are SOLICITOUS of their meats (kobe beef lives the Life of Riley before it is cut down to steaks: it is a massaged, grass feeding, free ranging & fine ale drinking hedonist @ the end of the day - we could only hope for such luxury to grace the lives of many domestic college students)

 so definitely next week, i shall feature:

charshu or toroniku (different cuts of pork) ramen
beef sukiyaki & the appetizer:

salmon skin hand (large informal) roll
spicy tuna roll maki (cut up roll) & or nigiri (pieces on top of rice)

we shall talk seaweeds, & how to incorporate them into your diet, & sample the savory, superior, soul-foody flavors of stews, & with this half cold half warm weather we are having, these two, 1 warm, 1 cold offerings  seem perfectly apropos...


thank you for your time.

Ancestral Comfort Foods, Rock Stars, & Burnt Sugar, Y'all

every chef lives for a group of people like this band - a bunch of extremely talented, extremely quirky individuals who love your food - or @ least that's what they tell you.  something about the backstage action, the constant motion, the rabble & pre-performance jitters just makes me feel completely @ home.  & when i know that i am cooking for these people, the desire/inspiration to create the most flavorful food EVER.

& so it was that nashira & i catered Burnt Sugar doing the David Bowie songbook (or @ least part of it)...  just the snippets of convo were priceless - courtesy Micah:  "...so i told jimmy (Fallon) it seems like you like to make fun of Black people - so then buy me a mothafuckin drank, since you've had so much fun @ the expense of me & mine, then why don't you provide ME with some soul warming fun...  oh no?  ok jimmy.  ok.  but  when i saw his GIRLFRIEND the week after that you best believe i made sure that SHE bought me a drank... & i made sure she had a better time w/me than she EVER did w/Fallon!!!"

love it.

been around musicians all my life.  my father played w/some serious names in his 8 instrument playing time, but spent the bulk of his avant garde time with Brother Jack McDuff, & Sam Rivers.  looks like Nashira will feel much the same way, @ home w/bands of very talented weirdos, (& please believe this is from a  self-acknowledged weirdo!) but in her case, i am sure, she will be one of the group, as she is already on her way to being a performer.  as it was, she was ensconced happily in the belly of the rock star beast, what with getting personal baritone sax lessons from the fierce lady horn player Paula Henderson, & up close & personal fierce DIVA lessons from the Fates of Black Rock:  Ms. Blackbushe herself, Shelley Nicole Jefferson, the incandescent Lisala Beatty, &  the siren Karma Mayet Johnson- when i think of Nashira absorbing all this abject flyness @ this tender age, i actually fear for - well, humanity, lol!  in the best way.  if she doesn't spontaneously combust for goddess' sake- these girls are beyond dope.  as is Vernon Reid (WHAT?!?), & the master of ceremonies, Greg Tate (yes chile.)  the show was amazing.  & the SUGAR's rendition of 'Let's Dance' w/ Mikel as a sexier, blacker Bowie?

not to be fucked with.  if you can catch it on  youtube, then please do.  well that's just silly actually - here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk_TW3v3vOY
 
a week later, Nashira was still crooning, 'i want to see friends dance on TV.  i want to see Mikell!' - she's been bit by the bug, y'all.

le sigh...

promise that this will be the last post - for a long while - that even mentions thiebou djen, but that is what i made for the band, in addition to chicken yassa, which due to its bright yellows, (recipe below) is a pure jolt of sunlight to make.  but nothing matches the joy of rolling up to the backstage/green room/vip section of whatever club/venue/concert hall you are catering & being greeted w/the pure love i was greeted with:  family.

speaking of family, the same week, was my (acknowledged) fiance's grandmother's birthday - & everyone knows how much fun hangin w/the in-laws is, right?  & so it was with a different spirit that i catered, well not really catered, but brought some food out to brooklyn, as well - in this case, curry fried chicken. coconut rice, & an early spring salad with a cumin lime dressing & LOTS of avocados are the sides of choice.

all of this became a lot for the schedules of me & the short one (Nashira), & alas, before i looked up, it was tuesday. so yes yes y'all, it was asinine to even think about posting so close together & i knew that we would have some bonus recipes in the mix, just because of the passage of time.  bu then i realized, maybe it's asinine NOT  to post, even if said postings are close together, & here we are!

over the weekend, me & nashira needed to decompress.  & the best for unwinding?  pink fish - her favorite, in croquette form - also called, by various poets & bullshit artists, 'Slammin' Croquettes'.  & i can't figure out why these are such fun to make - but they are.  maybe it's the salmon, all vibrant & rosy.  or maybe it's the fact that when i am forming them, i run through all the inferior croquettes i've ever had - from the nastiness of undissolved rice as a binder to the ubiquitous use of canned (- when a price check reveals little if any difference in cost for this madness - i understand it some of the time but EVERY time?) or maybe it's the overwhelming gratitude that fills my soul when i find that cracker meal - or @ least crackers are in house... or maybe it's just that this is one of the heritage ancestral home style foods that i grew up with, & making it is like curling up in a security blanket with a favorite movie or book - i hope that this will be as enjoyable for you as it has been for me.

this is definitely the kind of heritage, down home recipe that you will find in the legendary tomes of my favorite girls:  girls such as Vertamae Smart-Grosvenor, whose book Vibe Cooking has no measurements(!!!  that's right, kot-dammit - you cook by vibe alone - sexysexysexy!). & Edna Lewis, who is a chemical genius (homemade baking powder, anyone???) & the founding chef @ Gage & Tollner {- a landmark eaterie - appallingly no longer open - let's not & say we did} - girls who have both their down home & experimental skills on LOCK.  these are girls who deconstruct, then reconstruct the food we are used to, & when they return it to us, it is somehow more brightly vivid, more alive than it was before.

you'll hear a lot about salmon croquettes being a great catch-all for leftovers, & they are, if you just poached salmon a few nights ago - but whether you have or not, these are they,  the way they should be done:

2 # fresh salmon steaks - or 1 # fresh plus one can this still makes a huge difference in flavor -
1 medium onion, chopped medium fine 
2 stalks celery     "                             "
1/2 green bell pepper "                      "
4 - 6 cloves fresh garlic  "                  "
1 egg lightly scrambled
few girl's handsfull bread crumbs or cracker meal. & some (about 2 cups of either breadcrumbs or INDIAN HEAD - i know i know - cornmeal - sorry, politics! but it is the best & finest cornmeal) to dredge the croquettes
all purpose flour to coat croquettes about 2 cups
oil to fry in - grapeseed, safflower, sunflower or a combination of these about 1 quart

heat oil to popping.




1 - poach or sear the salmon till firm to the touch. not overcooked & flake off the bone
2 - combine the flaked salmon with all ingredients except the reserved bread crumb flour or corn meal to form medium stiff balls which are then lightly flattened
3 - roll the slightly flattened balls in the flour combined with either cornmeal or breadcrumbs, &
4 - drop into the hot oil
5 - when these babies float & are golden brown, they are done.

Chicken Yassa

serves 4:

2 whole chix, fryers
2 TBSP pulverized garlic
4 TBSP mustard - or to taste -
2 TBSP fresh lemon juice
2 TBSP apple cider vinegar
1 TBSP turmeric, ground dry  or a 1-inch knob, fresh. grated
4 medium vidalia or 2 lg spanish onions, sliced into rings or wedges
tiny bit chili paste, habanero, cayenne, jalapeno, piri-piri - you name it!
sea salt,
fresh ground pepper to taste
2 cups chicken stock
thyme, i had some savory hanging around, so - it went in w/the others, plus 1 bay leaf

1 - marinate the chicken in everything (2 hrs - overnight) but the garlic & onion, in fact
2 - saute the onion rings/slices w/the garlic til translucent in virgin coconut oil
3 - add all other ingredients to the pot & simmer on top of the stove or bake for 1 & 1/2 hrs, turning once halfway through.

aiight friends, strange as this is, see you on monday, & the kashmiri tea party, along w/pics, & recipe for curry fried chicken is ON.

thank you for your time.

Flexibility: How Substitutions can Free You, Edits, & Does Uptown Need a Food Co-op???

i am a purist.  just recently became really comfortable with dealing in substitutions; & if they happen they have to be really specific...  like yesterday, when i was shopping for bluefish. sometimes weekends are more busy than weekdays, right?  it all started with a somber apology from nashira.  'i'm sorry i broke your computer, mama.'  which was OK, only b/c that nasty fever i thought was gone last week?

pneumonia.

which was apparently going around - a little epidemic among the wee ones & i'm not going to jinx the situation by saying everything's fine now - WHY did i take her to THAT party?  why? -  but still...  can you stand it?

so she could do no wrong, even though i know that this amount of guilt  (she ripped all the keys off my laptop about 2 weeks ago) around any incident of misbehavior means that she has, again, BEEN touching my computer.  le sigh.  but upon turning it on, there it was, dead.  no yo gabba gabba, no sesame street, no super why.  the party was (mostly) over.  she has some sadly over watched blue's clues & such so i slapped that on, & left her with daddy while i jetted uptown to my mac guy.  (what a wierdo - love him to death & he's a total genius, but he's like one of the furry IT guys from the X-files - you literally cannot get into his apt w/all of the macs of differing ages piled on top of one another.  it is unbelievable.)

anywhoo since he's uptown from us, a visit to fairway was a must.  i've loved fairway for years.  but i wasn't loving the attitude of the guy @ the fish counter.  no siree bob.  from the perspective of someone who has been suffering the hard knocks of working w/the public since she was 16, i really hate shitty retail service,  like when the first answer to any given question is no?  i generally make it my business to find the thing i had been told doesn't exist, & show it to the person who hates their job.  but with a sheet of glass protecting the inventory, i had no choice but to accept this jerk's answer when he told me that not only were they out of bluefish, but that they could not even SUGGEST a substitute.  i mean, had it been me, (yes, even @ 16) the answer was in plain sight:  salmon, one of the few fish on display  is quite fishy, rich, & clean so what's the problem?  oh well. he wasn't suggesting it.  so i wasn't buying it.  they were out of yucca, so i was going to have to hit Whole Check in any case.

on the way over, a cab driver asked, which one is better?  & i had to admit that it was really 6 of one, 1/2 dozen of the other.  this week, the salmon steaks were $1/more a pound @ fairway than @ whole paycheck.
& to top of no bargain weekend, there was another surprise!  no merchandise!  no bluefish... & no yucca.  WTF???  @ this point, time was ticking.  i had to meet my editor to fine tune the manuscript, & we had WORK to do.  lots.  this fish thing had to be worked out quick, fast, in a hurry & i didn't have time to be running all over little Senegal for sub-par freshness & little idea of place of origin.

but they were trying to make their sale @ whole paycheck.  so i went with homeboy's enthusiastic suggestion:  mackerel.  love it.  fishy, clean, not quite as meaty but so what?  friends, do it within reason,but feel free to play.  i think i put myself in a self-imposed gilded cage early in my career, by being so...  i can only describe it as narrow minded when faced with the challenge of a missing ingredient.  obviously no one wants to see you serving ketchup as tomato sauce, but with something like bluefish to mackerel, lemon to lime, cracked long grain rice as opposed to sushi rice feel free!  BTW, yes, i served the thiebou djen with sushi rice.  yes.

homeward.

on the way, it occurred to me:  why doesn't uptown have a food coop?

food coops are brilliant, & can offer extremely high quality, fresh organic produce, free range birds & four leggeds even honey, @ 20 - 50%  BELOW retail  b/c there is no payroll.  the coop part means that every shopper also works.  i think it could happen.

i mean, the (nazi-ish) park slope one has been going on forever, with people coming FROM uptown to attend, so what is our problem?  i am not going out to brooklyn to do a workslot/shop that sounds like a nightmare.  but what about uptown?  we have it in us, care about our food, etcetera.  so what's up?  i think it's really about what form it would take:  there are ones that meet with a farmer @ an arranged location, as my friend Nikki Jo Blair/Eye Serene does, (so, SO dope!) when they come into the city.  a group of like minded people might want to pool their order...  but what about one where you have a space, & a workslot modeled after park slope, but uptown?  & what about one that made sure to incorporate Black farmers?  hmmm...

any thoughts out there?  do you live uptown?  what form would you like to see your coop take?

talk to me. 

Calvin (my oh-so-Carribbean-fiance, & Nashira's father) was howling with hunger as was Desiree, my editor/sista!  & of course Nashira, but she was still getting over her illness, so i suspect that she was really howling for juice & crackers - it became apparent that i would have to make something while we were all waiting for the fish prep & baking to happen since i was making a. lot. of brine (found in my last post), i was able to pull some to brine up the chicken quickly  (no more than 30 minutes if it's cut into small pieces, about 1 hr. per pound otherwise)  & fry it.  some gravy & some corn on the cob with a salad, & you are in business.

scandalously, i hadn't actually made a salad for this meal, but that won't stop me from adding a recipe if you want to - this was a waiting period meal, & not only that  but i hadn't bought the stuff for salad - still if this had been planned, i would have made a balsamic vinaigrette :

olive oil 1 cup
balsamic 1/2 - 2/3 cup
6 cloves garlic
juice of 1 lemon
thai fish sauce 3 drops  or for vegans, bragg's amino acids
sea salt
pepper black or tri-colored
parsley
thyme
2 TBPS mustard

throw everything except the oil in the blender - then add the oil & blend till emulsified. 

but it was worth the wait.  when the fish came out of the oven, we were all gratified...

in the end, i went with a mixture of salmon & mackerel.  so silvery!

oh yeah, & the fried chicken - this recipe is post brine:

1 3# fryer cut into pieces
flour to coat
seasoning salts - i use whatever i am playing with that week or mix up paprika, garlic, mixed dried herbs such as parsley thyme, savory, basil, lemon pepper, milled pepper, black or mixed, & if you have any other ideas, that seem compatible, throw them in!
oil to fry

it's that simple, y'all. i threw the chicken into the flour while i was heating the oil.  when it starts to pop, toss in the chicken - well not really toss, & fry until the chicken pieces float. 5 - 10 min for wings, 15 -20 for breasts & thighs, constantly turning to brown evenly on all sides.

the best blotting for this is paper towels on brown paper bags.
 
cooked the sushi rice in 1 part to 1 & 1/2 parts water:

2 cups rice
2 tbps butter
2 tbsp extra virgin coconut oil
1 bay leaf
1 sprig thyme 
3 cups water

in a pot with a tight fitting lid (or a plate) stir & fry the rice in the melted fats until translucent.  add the herbs & the water. cover & bring to boil, never disturbing the cover.  when boiling, lower heat to an extremely slow simmer.  keep it like this for 15 min. then let sit, STILL undisturbed for another 15 min.

unveil.

everyone loved the thiebou djen, but my favorite part was watching Calvin feed Nashira the corn on the cob...
(can you believe Calvin's mad @ me about my other husbands???  what a party pooper.)

got a couple parties to do this week, so expect many more pics, & a breakdown of those menus w/pics next week.

i'll keep you posted on my progress w/the coop.

thank you for your time.

Gourmet Shopping in Harlem, Curry Hill, the Inimitable Whole Foods & The Holy Grail of Senegal, Thiebou Djen

I have a number of aces.  grrrrrrrrrrrrrrls who i would prefer not to live without, the ones to/from i both make & receive that 2AM call, just because some life-changing concept became crystal clear @ that moment, the ones to whom i actually offer readings, when i see she is in distress, (as opposed to remaining incognegro until a reading is demanded) the ones who plan your baby shower, assure you that you are not crazy & the ones who laugh, heartily in your face & assure you that you are nuts.  i will have to lie to protect the guilty here, b/c i believe Whole (Paycheck) Foods security is still on high alert - this is one of my most explosive DOGS.  i would say that she was the type of friend that you don't invite to the party - she's that gangster, but she's actually incredibly social.  this is her dichotomy - 3 languages spoken, world traveled, with the taste & aesthetic of an glam gentlewoman, yet fearlessly rolls through any ghetto, bragging about her intimate knowledge of Queensbridge projects - this is a housing development that is NOT to be fucked with, friends.  she is my ace that will simply ask 'where are you?' when i call with a slight catch in my voice, alerting her to the presence of something not quite right, & then be there @ the speed of light. she is a brilliant researcher, film aesthete, photographer.  she usually shoots when i am doing something food related, & we are currently working on a number of food/media related projects.


as i said, i will lie here to protect her guilty ass, & call her S.

the whole thing had gotten out of control:  sunday, the day i had set aside to actually MAKE & shoot the schlag preparation, had started out normal enough.  S had been kind enough to offer her space (with a FABULOUS skyline view of whatever is across town from her ritzy address, which will remain secret) for the struggle.  she has done this more than once, in fact our shoots, which are reminding me more & more of Ab Fab usually take place @ her various joints, which are strangely, usually great for shooting.  on saturday, we had agreed to start early-ish - noon-like?  on our journey - as you recall, i was in search of something called Sahnesteif, to stabilize our lovely schlag.  upon further research, i found that in the states, this product is referred to as the infinitely more pronounceable Whip It!  i figured, it's one ingredient - how hard could this be?  why did i even think that phrase?  why?

we set off:

first, since i was getting a ride - i have a lot of shame around never having gotten my driver's license, maybe i can conquer that later on this year - i was buying lunch, & i had a vicious craving for thiebou djen, so  we decided to start of in west harlem, & progress southward, with our ultimate destination her house, downtown on the extreme east side.  i figured we would only be making one or two stops, & that it would be an early evening.

heh-heh.

i have a deep, & loving history with the national dish of senegal.  it all started in fort greene, but doesn't everything?

in fort greene, i was the chef @ the both famous, & infamous Brooklyn Moon Cafe, epicenter of the both famous & infamous spoken word movement: a fun, magical place & time that shaped the person & chef that i am today.  it was @ Brooklyn Moon that i experienced the full, enthusiastic support of my community for the first time.  my community you ask? the nappy, unsung multicultural, mostly black artists of the early '90s.  this is a lost era that is actually  hidden in plain view: these are the innovators behind the music you listen to, the books you read, the movies you watch - a community that started with this healing nucleus, & fanned out worldwide.  a community that includes but is not limited to erykah badu, saul williams, common, mos def, - again not name dropping, just reminiscing - & a whole bunch of other luminaries of visual art, music, media, & letters  whose names may never be known to the general public.  it was here that i got full control of a menu for the first time.  here that one of the fly-assed editors of the brilliant, soul shifting Honey magazine first hired me as their astrologer.  here that i met & bonded with some of  my all time aces & when my bones are either laid to rest, cremated, or donated to science, it will be to here that my soul returns:  to sip, for the 11th hour @ chamomile tea, with live manuka honey, & meyer lemon juice, talk concepts with the dear friends that i am feeding, leisurely &  by request, their favorite foods ever.  this is my vision of heaven.

anyway, next door to brooklyn moon, there was a place that me & my friend Sumitra ordered out from so much that even though its name was Keur N'dye, we called it Near & Dear.  yes.  chefs order out all the time, & yes.  it was that good.  the thiebou djen was just what the doctor ordered, every single time.  got. dammit.
the fish was always soulful - a strong fresh fishy taste that could only be bluefish.  the hot sauce had to be homemade.  the braised cabbage, carrots, eggplant & yucca, a simple labor of the purest, most patient love.  & who in their lives could ever forget the joloff rice?  not i.  it literally haunted me.  if i hadn't had it in three days or more - well that would have never happened.  so i have no pithy comment for that.  but i know this: the owners, Shalif & his gorgeous wife knew me as as a (chronically addicted) patron, so when i told them that i was taking chef NEXT DOOR to their venerated establishment, what did they do?  they publicly patronized my brunch every sunday.

salt of the earth!

& then they were gone. like just a few years ago.  poof!  having left a whole in my very soul, i tried to fill the void with joloff, down the road a bit, & every bit as good, but my teeth having been cut on the Keur N'dye recipe, nothing could ever be the same.  desperate & more than a little hopeless, i began making it for friends, then for parties.  & the whole thing must be made.  from scratch - hot sauce, marinade, & no step is really complicated.  perfect frozen for a head of household on the go to heat @ his/her convenience, for entertaining, or on a rainy/snowy/hot/humid/dry/busy/slow/afternoon/night/morning?  snack.  this is fish crack.  it is not a game.

so when i moved back uptown a few years ago, & heard about the african places uptown, i thought, ok.  maybe.

everyone knows about Africa Kiine on 116th.  but to be honest, the thiebou djen's lack of consistency (sometimes great!  sometimes non-existent or noticeably nuked on the way from the kitchen - how ROMANTIC) is a turn off.  read a review of Keur Sokhna on 7th ave btwn 133rd & 132nd that intrigued me enough to try it.

b/c of the first name, Keur (as in N'dye), & the second name, Sokhna, (which is the name of one of my sister-goddess fellow hippie mother friends) i thought that omen wise, i was in the right place.

we picked up some takeout, & even though we couldn't wait to eat, sped off to the first second & third markets, which was almost our last, b/c in a smaller town we would almost have gotten arrested.

Lifethyme, on sixth avenue in the west village, is always a winner.  airy space, w/fresh juices, a fine salad bar, & my favorites - hemp milk, anyone? it's genius juice for Nashira -  can almost always be found on sale.  i wish the produce section were bigger & more accessible, but in general, for your organic, superfood, & even beauty needs, Lifethyme is a go to.  i was able to find my grass fed heavy cream, but no Whip It!  the sweet earnest girl @ the register said that she had just sold the last packets earlier in the day.

damn!  on to Cittarella - but while the overpriced fish is always of great quality, either the buyer is on their third & final lobotomy, or they are a front for the italian mob (does that exist anymore?  really?):  there is N.O.T.H.I.N.G. on the shelves.  walking the aisles here is an exercise in frustration.  & no Whip It!

onward.

Whole Paycheck:  the thing about Whole Foods is that they are some of the best @ merchandising, they have one of the best selections of exotic & organic, & with convenient locations popping up all over the city, how could you, why would you resist?  the fact that i can sometimes find better stuff cheaper here than @ overpriced, questionable, weirdly filthy-around-the-edges places like gristede's or food emporium - markets that are really hateful, & to be avoid @ all costs - is a plus.  the minuses?  while the customer service is the bomb, the customers themselves leave much to be desired.  Fairway, my beloved sweetheart for many years is just as crowded, but i have never had certain exchanges there.  exchanges like the time when the broad from the upper east side wanted to school me on wiping stuff up from the floor - excuse me, but doesn't the staff do that?  & why do i need your help, exactly, even if i were going to attempt to wipe up spills in a busy market?  i have never been sneered @ in Fairway.  & i have never had the feeling that the crowdedness of the market was my fault.  not so @ Whole Paycheck.  there seems to be a class issue there.  as i said the staff is great, but the customers - whoooo-eeee!  (& BTW i heard something horrible, from a good source:  that the owner is a libertarian.  yuck.  rand paul, anyone?  the thought of possibly putting my hard earned money in the hands of a could-be tea-partier is truly the worst)  which is why i had to lend S my total support, when she sidled up to me Nashira in tow, muttering something about security following her.  deep in my search for Whip It!  i was oblivious to her struggles:  a woman plowed into her w/her cart apparently "while the bitch was looking dead @" S, @ which point S was left with no other option but to knee the woman in her side.i had no time to figure out particulars - mid cackle i turned to the customer service rep & asked about my product.
"try TJ's"  he said unequivocally... of course in the frenzy of the moment, subtlety went out the window, forcing me to ask him to repeat himself until he had to spell out the obvious for all to hear:  Trader Joes.  i thought it was pretty generous of him; all things considered, the trip was a bloodbath.

TJ's is very down to earth.  but that line is NOT to be fucked with.  i installed S & Nashira, who was a perfect angel of poise throughout this retail ordeal, on said line, prompting S, who was still shaking with rage, to blurt out, "i feel like i've dealt with all the toxic waste of shopping, & yet have not obtained one thing - i should have $600 worth of groceries right now, with all i've been through.  i don't have shit."  the natives, i realized were constructing a mutiny.  & to top everything else off, NO dice.

outside, S was like, "i feel like the indians will have it... i really do... & anyway Kalyustan is really a jewish/middle eastern market now - "  & we were on our way to curry hill.  usually when i come here, i go to India Spice & Sweet, on lexington between 27th & 28th - but those guys are purists.  only the most rare & hard to find indian ingredient, please - fresh curry leaves? check.  anardana (dried mango seeds)? check.  black salt from india?  check.  Whip It?  while i felt hugely disloyal, it was the only thing i needed, & i hated to waste their time.  with Kalyustan's sitting there, true to S's word, looking like a displaced Zabar's, i had to go to the left, not the right.  the whole thing was a scene out of Big Night.  anywhoo, while i was in there - Nashira & S opted to wait in the car & i know that this is because S gives Nashira sweets while i am not looking - S hopped across the street for Kashmiri Chai, which is an endearing pink, w/a crunch of pistachios - amazing!  so when i came out empty handed, i wasn't totally crushed.  @ least i had some agar & cornstarch two substitutes, i had heard, for Whip It!

we headed back to the pad.

Nashira had a well-deserved meltdown, demanding (to my utter, un-fun mom consternation) Dora & Diego, & since it was the day before her birthday, it was going to have to be her way, so after eating some of the theibou djen,  which, while fresh tasting, was good but not great, we plopped her in front of Diego, Dora, a drum, & S's 14 year old son, who Nashira adores, & got to business.  after all the stress of the day, once i had laid out my ingredients, the silence was deafening:  S had passed out, my baby was hypnotized, & my only company was M, S's brilliant, gorgeous 14 year old son, investigating what all the blender noise was.  upon discovering that it was whipped cream, he kept slithering around & being really cute & a little bit sleazy about wanting seconds, then thirds of schlag.

the only accompaniment in the house was hot chocolate - & that is what i served him.  when i noticed him having to break up the rich dollops of heavy cream with his spoon, i felt partially fulfilled. Nashira was out of wipes, so i ran downstairs to the corner store, breezing past a gristede's on the way.  disapprovingly, i sniffed, full of spite @ the sub-par market.
& then? 

just on a whim, before i could stop myself, i was in the belly of the beast of the stale smelling market looking @ a whole aisle of Dr. Oetker products including Whip It!?!?

yes.  Whip It!

since all the grass-fed stuff was gone, i was forced to get commercial cream, & even though it was commercial, it was a good thing.  upon revisiting the original batches of schlag, the agar or the cornstarch had solidified, leaving small beads behind.  not what's up.  i did it again with the regular cream, & we all enjoyed yet another cup of hot chocolate & can't wait to make it again with the grassfed cream, b/c it was as delicious in the first cup as it was in the last - a consistent product.

whew! Nashira was happy...

y'all have been through enough, right?  so without further ado, the recipes of the week, w/pics from the last post above:

thiebou djen:

3 # bluefish, filleted, clean of all scales & blood*
2 heads cabbage
3 cups cracked rice
1 bunch carrots
2 heads eggplant
2 long sticks yucca
6 whole tomatoes, quartered
butter 6 TBSP + 4 TBSP hexane free palm oil
honey 2-4 TBSP
1 bunch cilantro
1 head garlic separated into cloves
6 scotch bonnet or habanero peppers halved
2 green bell peppers chopped coarsely
1 yellow or orange bell pepper chopped coarsely
anchovies
1 bunch parsely
few sprigs thyme

preheat oven to 375

1- blend together the cilantro, parsley, garlic save four cloves, green bell, 1/2 habanero peppers, & the anchovies with 1/4 cup water to form a paste.  slather this on the fish, & bake for 1 & 1/2 hrs, till crispy around the edges. 
 2 - roast tomatoes w/1-2 TBSP honey, & butter till gel-like, 1 & 1/2 - 2 hours, puree.
3 - braise the carrots in one pan with 1-2 TBSP honey, & 1/2 cup water, 2 TBSP butter till fork tender.
4 - in a pot, do the same with the cabbage butter & thyme, omit honey till soft
5 - in a pot, cover the yucca w/water & 1 TBSP butter & simmer till soft
6 - steam cracked rice w/remaining butter pureed tomatoes, & half of the palm oil
7 - blend together remaining peppers, the reserved garlic, & the yellow or orange bell pepper w/salt & pepper & a little water till a thick paste.  handle with care.

serve on one gorgeous, large platter.  enjoy. 

*(a long note, but an important one:  you can wash the fish off w/a brief soak in a lot of water with a  little salt & vinegar,  but if you have the time, i urge you to brine!!!  in a 2 - qut. saucepan, boil 1 qut of water with 1 cup of salt & 1/2 cup of sugar.  you can add any spices that you think way add to your recipe, in this case, lemon, fresh garlic, a touch of hot pepper but not too much.once these are boiled together, let the brine cool, then marinated the fish in this mixture, covered in the fridge for 2 hours.  remove from liquid & cook as normal.  for some mystical reason, this works by osmosis, the liquids exchange places, & the flavor is off the chain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

more on kashimiri chai next week - this, one of my few concessions to fusion, shall be served w/next week's thiebou djen...

***oh!  p.s. a correction:  i meant to refer to my second husband as Tommy Chong, (not, incorrectly, Cong).  all the other husbands remain the same.***

thank you for your time.

C.R.E.A.M.: an intro with thoughts on schlag, butter, & pasteurization, & of course wu-tang!

peter luger is serious money.  i can't remember if we made a reservation, or not, but it was in celebration with my foodie father - could have been the fact of simon & schuster liking my manuscript - the details are vague...
& one of the reasons for this is that the meat - fabulous - perfectly marbled, aged (feelings out there are mixed - do you prefer aged or un-aged meat?  does it gross you out?) to a melting texture that slid down the gullet & begged more from the belly - was completely eclipsed by something called schlag.

who wants to put that in your mouth, you ask?  anyone that loves butter, whipped cream, milk, ice cream or used to but can't anymore b/c of lactose intolerance -

schlag.

the answer - or in my case, the question:  how is this crap made?

a bit about the thought process of this particular chef/blogger, & the reason for this blog, really.

i have been a kitchen professional since 1989 let's not go into a full-blown resume here, but by way of introduction, i will spell out some of my experience:

i started as a tender (potty-mouthed) youth in LA - strange, as i am a native of NY & LA is not exactly known for its food culture as every anorexic must be camera ready, but in my case, this was very healing:  on the left coast, the girls are in charge.  without that backbone of experience, i don't know how i would have weathered the hurricane of misogyny called east coast kitchens.

the first gig was @ a place called Queen of Cups, a psychic cafe - more on this as the blog progresses.  in 1991 i was picked up by Evan Kleinman & Vianna La Place, two savvy lady chefs whose cookbooks i owned @ the time - a concentration on lightening up traditional traittoria cuisine.

but we agreed to no resume, right?  every high point - & i leave out no low point - will appear either anectdotally, organically, or as part of a recipe, but let's leave it @ this for just now:  in NY i did the circuit, including Union Square Cafe when it was Union Square Cafe, although i was nothing but a lowly oyster shucker/garde manger chick.  however the story was much different for Aqua Grill, since i was on sautee the night that the New York Times awarded that despot his first stars - yes.  he threatened my life.  & yes, he ate his words by the time the kitchen wrapped that night.

this is becoming suspiciously resume-ish, so the point is, that in addition to the aforementioned restaurant experience, i have run my own catering company (in fits & starts) since 1995, when i catered my first (tragically) low budget film, for my grrrrrrrrrrl joy phillips - not name dropping.  reminiscing.  since then, my love affair with food has taken me to more than one continent, all over the country, into the intimate settings of some of the most interesting people, & my @ home entertaining has allowed me to dance with the muses & keep the creation process consistently evolving.  food, & the spirituality of its preparation has saved my life, sanity, & kept some of my lovers around long past the point of diminishing returns.  in reading around @ some of the wonderful food blogs out there (goddess knows there are enough) i noticed one thing missing:

my voice!

& why do you care?

because i am a maniac.  there is nowhere i will not go to get the special ingredient, to link the ancient cuisines for identification, to find out the special method & make it accessible, so that you, my friends/readers, not only CAN make that seemingly impossible creation, but that you WANT to.

& something else, friends, here is where i will be releasing excerpts of my upcoming cookbook, HEAT in serial form.

by the way of introduction, i will make two promises.  i will never leave you without a recipe, or something to chew on, or both -  LOL!

Back To The Schlag:

Gourmet used to have a column called You Asked For It:  they would go to various HIGH END restaurants & charm them out of their most coveted, popular recipes, which would come out in the magazine in a monthly advice column format.  i invite you to send in your most burning questions about favorite dishes in favorite restaurants, but i think the folks @ Peter Luger would probably punch my nameless ass in the mouth if i rolled up talking about, can you give me this recipe for publication, so i obsessively researched the components, & this is what i came up with - oh last thing - i am trying this out by the weekend, so next monday, look for the step-by-step with pics.

& yes, my theme song is C.R.E.A.M. i must have some sort of a soundtrack when i cook - it may or may not be music from the country of origin, but it must be inspiring.  more about my husband Method Man later.
ok, here goes:

i think we left off @ the name:  schlag.  how unfortunate.  but when i had this atop apple strudel (& i am much more of a salty, fatty meat girl than a dessert girl)  i wanted to lay down & die of happiness.

it was like whipped cream, only much better.  somehow thicker AND lighter.  i thought, this is what all whipped cream wants to be...
but on every blog i encountered, the answer was disappointingly  simple: whip cream until almost butter-like.

{the purest BS - for my 8th birthday, my mother, on my suggestion, made strawberry shortcake, & even though she is third generation genius cook (she opted out of becoming an actual chef like her grandmother all in the name of feminism), she made the classic rookie mistake - whipped the cream to almost butter - & it was good, but it wasn't no schlag.}

no, that didn't sound right @ all - more research confirmed this, upon my purchase, a few weeks ago of  raw, unpasteurized grass-fed cream, which has a layer of sexy, thickened cream ON TOP of the liquid.  this had to literally be squeezed from the bottle.

finally in the REPLY section of one food blog, i came across a product from Germany called 'Sahnesteif' - a modified starch thickener/stabilizer.  some lovely soul remembers her grandmother adding it to schlag when she was a wee lass - oh wait that's irish, right? - i knew that this was part of schlag's velvety secret.

Ingredients:

1 cup grass fed heavy cream (preferably Milk Thistle Farms - the best!  & local to NY!)
1 packet Sahnesteif
1 tsp bourbon vanilla
1 tsp sugar - if you want to go heavier with sugar, you can, but i would go even lighter - lets the cream taste come through

Method:

1 - whip all together either by hand with a whisk or in a mixer with a whisk attachment until the cream is a texture between extremely stiff peaks & butter. 
2 - you do not want for the liquid to separate from the cream; just extremely stiff peaks.
3 - when you serve this with dessert, yell, 'mit schlag!'  - apparently that's how the germans do it - means, 'with schlag!', lol.

a word on Method:  as in Man. as in Method Man, as in my Other Husband.  it is my dream to interview him - why would i need to interview him if he is my husband, you ask?  oh well, we'll get to that later. - in my segment on hallucenogenic foods - that's a roundtable with my other two husbands, Tommy Cong, & Dave Chappelle.

so okay, look out for pics next monday. if you try it before me, PLEASE let me know how it worked out. i won't be trying it out until sunday, when i can blast 36 chambers, & dance around with my daughter Nashira.

cash rules everything around me...

see you next week, & thank you for your time!